Four Letters

Alright this is going to sound pretty crazy. But crazy is relative “they” say. I’m not even sure who “they” really are but I guess “they” might have a point.

The way I see it I’m just about one strap loose on the old straightjacket away from the nut house. Difference is, I’m willing to admit it. No, I’m not clinically insane, don’t misinterpret… but that’s all up to perspective anyways. I think everyone has some form of “crazy, one flew over the cuckoo’s nest in them”. We all do crazy things and sometimes we don’t do crazy things because we are afraid, and those are the things I feel make us human and allow for a true human experience.

Some people are crazy because they always play it safe.  If you always play it safe, play by the rules, never take risks, never force yourself outside of the comfort bubble…doesn’t that make you a whole new kind of crazy?

This behavior has tangible, observable and negative long term effects on the individual.  

Here are just a few things that I know from my own personal experience. And I am not afraid to admit it anymore because, I am in fact changing.  I am not the same person I was yesterday; I can tell you that without a doubt. And tomorrow, I’ll be even better than I am today.

Here is the effect this irrational behavior had on me:

Introversion+ low social skills + self-esteem problems = dependency, anxiety, depression and a very miserable and unfulfilling existence.

So here I am turning 33 in April. I’m as close to being back to square one as I ever have been before. The “old me” would have been afraid of that thought. The old me would have looked at square one as a failure.  But the new me, sees it completely differently. I see square one more like a starting block now.

A friend of mine made a very good point this afternoon that literally sent chills through my body. Such a simple yet, mind-blowingly valid statement.

I sent a text earlier today that said, “2300 miles.  That’s all that separates me from my new life”.

His response was: “Four letters is all that separates you from a new life…fear.”

And he was right. Really that is the ONLY obstacle standing in my way.

Truth be told. Fear doesn’t exist without our acknowledgement. FEAR is something we fabricate ourselves. It’s the boogie monster under the bed.

All I have to do is turn the light on.