Whoa! That's a lot of changes!

My journey has only just begun. I've been living in California (not to be confused with "Cali" as I am told by the locals that is a sure way to identify yourself as a tourist and not cool at all! haha) So anyways, I've been in California since the end of April and life has changed immensely.  I barely recognize the face in the mirror anymore. My eyes are brighter, my skin clearer, and let's not forget that you can play connect the dots on nearly every inch of my body :)  Living here has been more than just a change of scenery. Every day is like paradise. I can enjoy the sun without the humidity suffocating me or having to fight off the all you can eat buffet that my booty once provided to the Indiana mosquitoes!  My ass is thanking me...

The ocean breeze stretches out and can be felt inland nearly every place I've been in North County, San Diego.  I have yet to see one pissed off person since I've moved here.  People are much happier, friendlier and healthier. I think it's safe to say that this piece of paradise promotes happiness and health.  

I have recently Californicated myself, as a good friend so kindly put it. I have taken up a Vegan lifestyle and am already feeling the positive effects. My health is improving, my sleep is improving and my energy level is through the roof. One positive change seems to breed other positive changes. I feel more empowered and in control of my health more so than ever before, or perhaps just my awareness of it has increased. Either way...it's a very good thing! Not only that but hopefully my choice and the knowledge I can provide to others will affect a change in them as well.

Every day I am changing for the better. I love the person I see in the mirror every day. I look forward to seeing the continuing changes in me. Finally, I have found a place that really feels like home and I'm not sure I'll ever leave. Unless something better presents itself in the universe!

Time will tell. But for now, my journey is here...destination unknown. 

 

Someone Pinch Me...Please!

 

 

Is this a dream?

 

 Am I dead?

 

This can't be...not this life. Not this beauty. Not this freedom.

 

It has to be a dream. It's either that or I'm dead.

 

 This is what Heaven must feel like.  No, nothing on this Earth could compare at this point in my life. I've seen many beautiful places, had the fortune and luck(no shit...) to travel quite extensively. Nothing has lifted my spirits like this place.  Every sunset on the water literally makes my heart skip a beat. I feel it jumping for joy inside my chest.  No, there isn't much better than this life I've landed into. I jumped off a cliff almost two weeks ago in the hopes that I would soar and eventually land on my feet. And here I am...grounded yet still soaring in the upper atmosphere. Every day gets more exciting as my confidence grows. I push myself further each day, exploring new areas, meeting new people. And by doing so, I am finding that life can be so exciting...and rewarding. It doesn't have to end with the thought that you have to punch a clock day in and day out, with no room for reprieve.  You can break that mold. Do what is required, but find time to fill your needs, fill up the things that your "spirit" requires. If not, you end up a statistic, blending in with the backwards thinking society that brainwashes people into believing that you can't have more. You can have whatever you want. Life is essentially your oyster. And here, in San Diego...it's mine.

 



 

 

It all starts here.

 

 

So much has changed. Just a week ago I arrived in Oceanside, California (north of San Diego, also known as North County by the "locals"). I entered an unfamiliar world that strangely, seemed suddenly very familiar.  For the last year I contemplated this change. The idea of moving across country, from the only real home I'd ever known scared me so much in the beginning. I struggled with the idea of uprooting my life(or what I thought was my "life") in an effort to find my true path.  The journey getting here was less about the mileage or traveling in my little VW bug with my back seat and trunk stuffed full with what remained of my former life, than it was about the road I'd left behind. 

 

It's funny how you realize how little "things" mean to you when you make the decision to start over.  Things end up being just "things" and nothing more. They turn into space takers...and suddenly those "things" seem very materialistic.   Instead I found a way to remove those things from my life and replace them with experiences, laughter and fond memories.  After a lot of soul searching, personal growth and exposure to people with like minds who were willing to offer me encouragement and insight as to how I could make my own path, the universe simply opened up a door for me. It took a mental change for that to occur. I had to accept certain changes, face fears, and go blindly forward in the dark with the faith that a light would be waiting for me at the end.

 

It was worth it. 

 

Fear is the four letter word that stifles dreams, ravages the spirit of freedom and independence and takes residence in the dark corners of our minds. It is the intangible, yet crippling monster that feeds on the soul.  No longer does it  take residence in my mind or in my life.

 

I'll refer back now to something a good friend once said to me. He said, that fear was the four letter word that separated me from my new life. That understanding alone shifted my consciousness and made me realize that it was me, who was in control all along.  Now, here I am...2200 miles away from my old life and I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

Life is all about taking chances when you are afraid. It's about jumping when you can't see what's ahead of you and knowing that you are either going to fall on your ass and try again or you are going to land on your feet, stronger than ever. It's trusting in yourself enough to know that you are capable of so much more. Once you make that decision you face the fear and by facing it...you conquer it. 

 

Life is good... and fear is just a ghost.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Another amazing transformation has taken place. I can only sit back and reflect on what once was and the path I see so clearly before me now. For a very long time it felt as though I was merely drifting. And I don't mean drifting the way a leaf dances in the wind...no that would have been much more pleasant. Instead, I was drifting down stream, headed for a waterfall, flailing my arms, taking on water in a canoe full of holes, without a paddle, seeking rescue from bystanders who meant only to observe me tumbling into the rocks below. Yes, that has been the story of my life. And what I've discovered is that the only person that can truly save me, is me.

 

It's much easier to see a path when you are walking it alone. There are no distractions or worries about the crowd up ahead or the crowd following behind. This path that I am on, is laid out just for me and wandering has been the best experience of my life thus far. With no real destination...I am just focusing on the journey and taking each day as it comes, moment by moment, living in the present. That is the ONLY thing that matters.

 

No more worries of things unseen.

No more worries of the what-ifs and what-might-have-beens. 

Far too many thoughts have been wasted on such inconsequiental nothings.

 

 

 

 



Oh the Places You'll Go...

 

 

Oh, the places I will go.

Hither and tither,

 and to and fro.

San Francisco,

I'm coming soon,

 to stand on your beach,

 to look at your moon.

 Amsterdam,

your cafes do call,

I will sit and drink

and sample them all.

 

 

Oh, the places I will go.

Hither and tither

and to and fro

nothing will stop me

no, no, no!

 

 

 

 

Dr. Suess said it best:

 

 

“You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.”
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!





 

 

 

“And when you're alone there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.”
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!

 

But I am not afraid. My journey is just beginning.

 

 



The 5...

 

 

The 5

 

 

 



 

 

They say you are the 5 people you surround yourself with.

 

Choose wisely.

 

 

Love Yourself First

 

 

 

 

Love yourself first. If you can't do that, how do you expect anyone else to?

Love comes in many forms. It doesn't have to be so clearly defined. In fact, I think that might be why people struggle so much, because in their minds they've already decided what they think it should mean, based on what has been force fed to them their whole lives.

 

My definition of love has changed immensely over the past year. Parts of it remain the same, but the spectrum has expanded into realms I didn't realize were possible. I guess for a very long time, I wasn't sure how to love myself because I was too busy putting the needs of others over my own, thinking that was a form of love. Self-sacrificing, I robbed myself of love, which left me feeling quite empty inside. I thought I was doing the right thing...what was expected of me. I spent so much time and effort trying to prove my "love" that I gave up who I was entirely. Which is completely insane.

 

I can tell you..that didn't really work out so well. It emptied me, drained me, sucked the life right out of me, made me doubt myself and left me in misery. 

 

Love shouldn't have anything to do with making you less of yourself.

 

After much time on my own I began seeing more clearly what is important to me. I started feeling my spirit again, feeling my body gain strength, seeing the light come back into my eyes when I looked into the mirror.

 

I started loving me again.

 

For me, love is taking care of your body, eating foods that keep you healthy. Love is generosity of spirt. Love is acceptance of flaws. Love is the ability to tear down walls, especially your own. Love is allowing yourself room to breath.

 

When you get to the place where you can love yourself completely, you no longer feel the need to validate yourself through other people. I think that has been the greatest part of my transformation.